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Today is a new day.



Today is a new day: I promise as my blog grows you will see why I’ve shared my story.. I’ve hidden so much because I was told I had to and it’s destroyed who I am.. burying my dad and my son has shown me so much.. its time for me to stand on the truth and not lay and sob being told “God took my dead son from me and gave him to my dad because I was a horrible person” depending on who is around. You don’t know the truth, but I’m about to help you learn just exactly what it’s like living with a narcissist.

Yet being told how special, loved and wanted I am by the ones who truly know and love me. It’s time to face the demons head on not because of who is around or preying thinking they have gain of some sort but because it’s the truth and more people know the truth over the lie.. yes I am fully aware I don’t have to share my story.. but I have not “stolen” anything “ruined my children” “tormented my family” and I most certainly am not the person that was painted when “911” was called by a outsider who thinks they know the truth. 

That walk down a fence ends... it’s not destroying me anymore.. and for those that think this has to do with the “election” you’re wrong.. that “election” means nothing to me... I don’t even live there.. for those that think it has to do with a “black man” you’re wrong again. And you will soon learn the truth about that too! 

Bring the civil suits or restraining orders or whatever, Trust me the “paint by number colors were painted in the wrong place so I will help to get them corrected so that the full picture shows.”

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My daddy loved me.

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It FINALLY happened.

(Recordings coming soon!!!) I am READY. I’ll be the “crazy one”… my body heart & health is exhausted carrying the abuse, hurt and trauma I’ve been living with.. hiding… covering up to “not hurt my mother” because she always made me cover up and lie about it!!!! Ughhh  It’s been a hell of a few days. Some big things are coming I have listened to more recordings than I even care to hear and completely disgusted that I even thought my mother would ever change.. hearing the hell I’ve been put through and reliving the horror of abuse plus reading my notes to piece it all for my book & the media including the sexual acts just to feed myself or meet at a hotel room and pretty much sell myself to have a bed to sleep in or as I lived in a friends empty apartment after she moved out, yet she kept it for me to live there because I was struggling.. I am just so upset that I ever hid the abuse thinking one day my “mother”? No my incubator / because a mother doesnt do this crap to their chil

Narcissistic Mother.

This is the hardest thing for me.. you see as children of narcissistic mothers you never really learn what true love is and often times bounce through life wondering how anyone else could possibly love you when the one who grew you in their stomach didn’t even love you. The reality is your mother is the sick twisted one who programmed you since you were a seed in her stomach and birthed you into a cage to keep you under her control and always make you look like the problem.  All my life I was the problem, unfortunately when you are programmed since before you were even born you always believe it’s you, even into adulthood. And unfortunately you always hope and wait, even hide abuse, because you’re trapped in a cage and your whole identity is built around your narcissistic mother so you never have a true identity and most often times don’t learn until you’re much older at which point she’s already painted who she wants everyone to believe you are while you hide the abuse you do recogniz