As I sit here writing another blog post the tears stream down my face just knowing the stuff that was hidden and pushed under the rug that I am now dealing with, so that the fake behind the masks wasn’t exposed. I am sick to my stomach over it.
Just writing about these things and sharing them so hopefully someone doesn’t think they have to “hush & hide” I am fully aware that my little political town or some here may frown on me but you know what that’s ok! I am prepared to lose friends and that’s ok too, my story has purpose, you don’t see my inbox from the support I have, and I will not be the “concrete angel” with a silent voice anymore: I’ve had more support than backlash but I’m sure “money” may talk in some areas, who knows we will see, I don’t really care, just as long as the “daughter” who feels alone, who has been silenced and is contemplating suicide, survives, and gains strength from her past, and she finds her voice and over comes the damage she’s been afforded knowing she’s not alone and the narcissistic abuse she’s dealing with and has dealt with, is not her fault.. then whatever I face will be worth it!
Narcissistic people don’t see their problem, they don’t want the truth exposed. The victim should shut up and “stop stirring the pot” or “continue on” because they are such great liars they will never be found out:
I’m taking my mask off. My husband and my children have suffered far to long.
The drug deal done with my son that he still struggles with. •Will be exposed.
My son being beat with the fishing pole.
•Will be talked about, the injustice done here baffles me.
The foodstamps that I was accused of taking so my very own mother would be without food.
•Lies and I will not be accused of this anymore! I would NEVER EVER EVER STARVE my own mother!! Did you forget I laid on her livingroom floor and lost my son to take care of her!!?? SHUT YOUR FACE! You don’t know me!!!! But you will! I have played that recording and cried more times than I can count!!!
I had a house given to me I am a spoiled child who has had everything handed to me.
-Excuse me. You don’t even know.
•but, I paid house payments on this house. Thank you very much. Yes it was given to me after my grandparents died. And I’m so sick of hearing this one when we sell it if it makes my mother feel any better she can have her “inheritance” money back. Because I’ve learned it’s more about “money” than anything and as I write more that will show too.
The stuff I’ve seen and covered and now I fight the demons for. •will be exposed.
The money I’ve been told I’ve taken even though I’ve been told I could have it.
•this is a big one for me. I never really understood it, but it’s ok. This was part of the “lie” and I can handle it too.
The abuse I’ve caused and what a horrible person I am, yet, you haven’t heard the story of the silent daughter. Because I didn’t know I was getting knives to my back, while I held the mask to my face.
•I don’t have to hide anymore and that is freeing.
I’m going back to write some more while it’s quite and my little family is all under the same roof; minus the sweet baby laying in a cemetery..
Some will not get the depth of their destruction until they hear;
“Depart from me for I never knew you”
But just remember the preachers who raped children claims to be the biggest follower of Christ too, and has followers that never suspected him to be steeped in sin; the parents who murdered their children said god told them to do it, there os a counterfeit for everything, and the voice you hear or think you hear may not always be the voice of the One True King, paying tithes, sitting on a church pew or blasting TBN gospel “mocking bless her lord” doesn’t mean you automatically enter heaven, & a wolf in sheep’s clothing is a real thing.. trust me..... as a little girl growing up in church, more times than I can count... apologies at the alter would take place week after week for the same actions, but there was never change.
These blogs are not easy for me. I’ve got more open unfinished blogs that will be posted; I still suffer from the “shut up” “don’t you let anyone know” “it’s all your fault” “you are a horrible person” “you killed your dad” “you killed your child” “don’t let anyone find out” “continue on, this is a political town” “I will have you arrested” etc.
To this I say: I will sit in jail the rest of my days; if there is that much political pull here; I will continue to speak truth, but I will no longer be silent from fear or wear a mask that has hurt me, my family but most of all been a lie & eats my soul daily destroying me and my family to save anyone who can feel no conviction of their actions!!
Everyday more truth is exposed... everyday I feel a little more freedom from the bondage.. I just wish DFCS would have listened when I called them years ago and the counselors in Savannah regional would have saw more of me than they did.
Money doesn’t fix everything. It’s been nice to have a Financial freedom but hugs, love, time and emotional support would have meant so much more... 💔
We didn’t even have Christmas this year.
Not one single gift.
Not even a Christmas dinner.
Not even a tree.
Yet .gifs were sent out behind a mask like all is perfect in this brokenness.