Abuse. (More to come)

I didn’t ask to be brought into this world.. I sure didn’t deserve the abuse Ive been dealt.. You have no idea what I am overcoming, I’ve had a zipper, tape and hands over my mouth for longer than I care to explain, the scars & infection are deep, and all the lies that has come with it, but I love you was the biggest, I’m not sure what my purpose here is, but I fight everyday for my children because I know first hand what it’s like not to be fought for. The mental, emotional, physical abuse I’ve suffered has made me not want to live...death seems easier than the demons I’ve been left to face, yet I face them everyday. It makes me sick to think of all the abuse I’ve covered because I just wanted to be love and accepted, and it all came with conditions of “sit down and shut up” or else, and sadly that’s still been the condition, but I kept waiting for the approval that I was enough and I had lied enough to be loved, and even at 40 I was still waiting... I’ve covered way more than I should have... guarantee you there would be some jail time for things I’ve been through.. the cover ups made & some days it eats my soul and today is one of them days... how someone could lie and watch their children & even grandchildren suffer is beyond me.. but I’ve done it far more years than most realize.. I was silent for far to long.... #Chlorine #Abuse #lies #narcissist

This is part of the reason I share my story.

While this isn’t the full reason I share my story this is part of it. The last couple of years since my dad and son have passed I’ve learned so much, a lot of it hurts, but, even hearing about “who I am” from people who don’t even know me. Sad reality is this person could walk up to me right now and gut me and I’d have no idea who she even was... now even though I don’t owe anyone anything let me explain; there are only a FEW of these people; I am met daily with love, support, truth and people that truly know me and that have been there MY WHOLE LIFE that I would know if they walked up to me.. those are the ones who matter; but, since this person decided to attack me publicly on MY OWN POST.. I felt like I could elaborate a little on the “lies”.

This didn’t just start, I just masked it because that’s what we’ve always done. No matter what happen we hid it.. I am not hiding anymore and the more you learn the more you will know why! After dad died and the same lies were still being told…

You killed your child.

Edited to add: since I was asked; this happened at my mothers house while I was sitting in my van.

The biggest yet most painful lie I’ve ever been told and struggle daily just continuing to find a way to breathe after hearing it. I have already lived with anxiety because of you, while you walk around acting like some high class godly politician, but if this is high class, how godly people act and the way politicians speak to a mother whose child is dead I want no part in any of it, I will never recover from this you sick piece of scum!!!! You will face judgment for a lot of things but most definitely these words to a grieving mother who already has faced the most devastating heartbreak felt by the heart! I don’t care what seat you sit on in the political world, these words are so vile and your venom has deeply damaged every ounce of my shattered heart like a razor blade forced into my heart continuing to destroy every piece of flesh inside me, I know that brings you satisfaction just…

Lies.

This is how sick it is.. (the voice recordings) True narcissistic.

My mom says I’m tormenting myself and my household.
Then she said she didn’t say I was evil.
(The first video clearly states otherwise)
Then she said it’s not her voice and she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
Ohh then she admits she said it.
Then it’s my fault. And I deserve it. Oh. And then she loves me.. 😑

Yes I did call her to take care of some business and this is where it went. All my fault. As usual. Because I don’t give in to her!
All my life this is the way “god” has been used. Let’s go to the front of the church and be told sorry for the week of events and how loved I am. But. At least she admitted I did not kill my child in this conversation.
Do you need me to watch the end of times video where my head will be cut off or I’ll live in hell the rest of my days for not doing what you want and not getting on my knees 🙄 (part of my childhood!)
The end where she started to call me the the devil again. Yea…

Amanda’s Story

Search This Blog