I didn’t ask to be brought into this world.. I sure didn’t deserve the abuse Ive been dealt.. You have no idea what I am overcoming, I’ve had a zipper, tape and hands over my mouth for longer than I care to explain, the scars & infection are deep, and all the lies that has come with it, but I love you was the biggest, I’m not sure what my purpose here is, but I fight everyday for my children because I know first hand what it’s like not to be fought for. The mental, emotional, physical abuse I’ve suffered has made me not want to live...death seems easier than the demons I’ve been left to face, yet I face them everyday. It makes me sick to think of all the abuse I’ve covered because I just wanted to be love and accepted, and it all came with conditions of “sit down and shut up” or else, and sadly that’s still been the condition, but I kept waiting for the approval that I was enough and I had lied enough to be loved, and even at 40 I was still waiting... I’ve covered way more than I should have... guarantee you there would be some jail time for things I’ve been through.. the cover ups made & some days it eats my soul and today is one of them days... how someone could lie and watch their children & even grandchildren suffer is beyond me.. but I’ve done it far more years than most realize.. I was silent for far to long.... #Chlorine #Abuse #lies #narcissist
I will be adding to this post & will remove this when I’m finished, so if you see this FYI know this blog post isn’t finished. Dad. I have no words. I could say a million things, yet, I hear the echoes of how your body was a “soup kitchen of drugs”, the lies of regimens, “I’m controlling his medication & blah blah blah, the lies. & all the times I tried to save you, but my voice, cries for help & pleas didn’t matter. Now that you’re gone life goes on for some, but for others like me & the boys, you can’t just be replaced, it doesn’t matter that drugs took you away from your only daughter & grandchildren.. I can’t just go find another dad. Although the more I learn the more I understand why death seemed easier than life. (SemiColon) Justice will come.. I don’t care what anyone says, I didn’t like who you were when you were drugged up, but you were always my daddy, you were there when the drugs didn’t keep you away and you sure as heck would not stand