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4 Years. πŸ’™





There isn’t much I HATE. But I can tell you I absolutely hate and dread this week. 😭 my faith has wavered and this is the week that rocks it the most. How has it been 4 years and it still feels like TODAY?!? Ughhh. My heart is DESTROYED. I feel like I am one breath & one heartbeat away from holding my sweet boy again. Don’t even try to comprehend this pain unless you’ve been here. I ache ALL year, but this week is such a huge raw reminder of what should be. It should be Birthday planning, He’s almost 4, Birthday fun, what is new, new words?, would he love the Lion King? Would he eat my spaghetti? What new foods would be his favorite? What favorite blanket would we cuddle up with? yet it was ALL STRIPPED AWAY. He’s NOT BETTER OFF IN HEAVEN. He would have been better off with his FAMILY! God didn’t need him more than WE DID! His family wanted him!! I don’t care that I get to see him again.. I want to see him NOW.. for the last 4 years I wanted to watch him & see him! Yes I have other children BUT HE IS MINE TOO!! WHY! My god WHY! 

I learned so much (4 years ago) & if I could do it all over again... I would. Oh I so would.. and I would NOT have went back and opened his casket at 10pm for your selfish needs and wants, Had I only known, I’m the one who had to say goodbye all over again, you should have been there the whole time.. but no, now that image is burned in me FOREVER.. His body so bruised and decomposed. You put me through more hell.. not that it matters... -I’ve learned, Never sacrifice yourself to take care of someone else. You probably won’t get the same & even if it’s someone who should love you most. They will go on to live their life like it doesn’t even matter... not a regret in the world.. TRUST ME. Especially when evil scum comes preying around. Even let said EVIL POS tell you that you KILLED YOUR CHILD!! I HATE YOU!!! 


#raw #Pain #death #disgusting #POS #evilSCUM #HELLisHOTTERforYOU πŸ˜‘πŸ˜‘#IdidNOTkillmyCHILD  #AngelBaby #SidneyBlake #SidneyBlakeRichardsondotcom #sacrifice #Ineedhim #mythirdboy #MyBabyBoy #pProm #ItHURTS #MyWish #forthBirthday #IneedhimMore #OneHeartbeataway #foreveronedayold

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This is part of the reason I share my story.

While this isn’t the full reason I share my story this is part of it. The last couple of years since my dad and son have passed I’ve learned so much, a lot of it hurts, but, even hearing about “who I am” from people who don’t even know me. Sad reality is this person could walk up to me right now and gut me and I’d have no idea who she even was... now even though I don’t owe anyone anything let me explain; there are only a FEW of these people; I am met daily with love, support, truth and people that truly know me and that have been there MY WHOLE LIFE that I would know if they walked up to me.. those are the ones who matter; but, since this person decided to attack me publicly on MY OWN POST.. I felt like I could elaborate a little on the “lies”.

This didn’t just start, I just masked it because that’s what we’ve always done. No matter what happen we hid it.. I am not hiding anymore and the more you learn the more you will know why! After dad died and the same lies were still being told…

You killed your child.

Edited to add: since I was asked; this happened at my mothers house while I was sitting in my van.

The biggest yet most painful lie I’ve ever been told and struggle daily just continuing to find a way to breathe after hearing it. I have already lived with anxiety because of you, while you walk around acting like some high class godly politician, but if this is high class, how godly people act and the way politicians speak to a mother whose child is dead I want no part in any of it, I will never recover from this you sick piece of scum!!!! You will face judgment for a lot of things but most definitely these words to a grieving mother who already has faced the most devastating heartbreak felt by the heart! I don’t care what seat you sit on in the political world, these words are so vile and your venom has deeply damaged every ounce of my shattered heart like a razor blade forced into my heart continuing to destroy every piece of flesh inside me, I know that brings you satisfaction just…

Lies.

This is how sick it is.. (the voice recordings)  True narcissistic.

My mom says I’m tormenting myself and my household.
Then she said she didn’t say I was evil.
 (The first video clearly states otherwise)
Then she said it’s not her voice and she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.
Ohh then she admits she said it.
Then it’s my fault. And I deserve it. Oh. And then she loves me.. πŸ˜‘


Yes I did call her to take care of some business and this is where it went. All my fault. As usual. Because I don’t give in to her!
All my life this is the way “god” has been used. Let’s go to the front of the church and be told sorry for the week of events and how loved I am. But. At least she admitted I did not kill my child in this conversation.
Do you need me to watch the end of times video where my head will be cut off or I’ll live in hell the rest of my days for not doing what you want and not getting on my knees πŸ™„ (part of my childhood!)
The end where she started to call me the the devil again. Yea…