There isn’t much I HATE. But I can tell you I absolutely hate and dread this week. 😭 my faith has wavered and this is the week that rocks it the most. How has it been 4 years and it still feels like TODAY?!? Ughhh. My heart is DESTROYED. I feel like I am one breath & one heartbeat away from holding my sweet boy again. Don’t even try to comprehend this pain unless you’ve been here. I ache ALL year, but this week is such a huge raw reminder of what should be. It should be Birthday planning, He’s almost 4, Birthday fun, what is new, new words?, would he love the Lion King? Would he eat my spaghetti? What new foods would be his favorite? What favorite blanket would we cuddle up with? yet it was ALL STRIPPED AWAY. He’s NOT BETTER OFF IN HEAVEN. He would have been better off with his FAMILY! God didn’t need him more than WE DID! His family wanted him!! I don’t care that I get to see him again.. I want to see him NOW.. for the last 4 years I wanted to watch him & see him! Yes I have other children BUT HE IS MINE TOO!! WHY! My god WHY!
I learned so much (4 years ago) & if I could do it all over again... I would. Oh I so would.. and I would NOT have went back and opened his casket at 10pm for your selfish needs and wants, Had I only known, I’m the one who had to say goodbye all over again, you should have been there the whole time.. but no, now that image is burned in me FOREVER.. His body so bruised and decomposed. You put me through more hell.. not that it matters... -I’ve learned, Never sacrifice yourself to take care of someone else. You probably won’t get the same & even if it’s someone who should love you most. They will go on to live their life like it doesn’t even matter... not a regret in the world.. TRUST ME. Especially when evil scum comes preying around. Even let said EVIL POS tell you that you KILLED YOUR CHILD!! I HATE YOU!!!
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