I am so sick today. I’m physically, mentally & emotionally drained. I’ve pretty much been in bed the last 2 days & I ache & hurt so bad I probably won’t get up today either, but unless you’re close to me you’d never know!! I’ve learned to hide it & I hide it well. It’s so hard to explain unless you’ve been here & I sure hope YOU never get here! I know I have a few friends who do understand..but It’s not just get over it. Move on. Put it behind you. Live for what you have. & so many other cliche words, It’s just not that easy!!!!! I try hard!! Harder than most even know. My body aches, there are days I can’t even move, even being TOUCHED pains me... it hurts so so soooo bad!! The layers of trauma doesn’t just go away. I wish I could make them. But more so, I wish more people understood... 😑

THIS THIS THIS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
👉🏼 Many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they've experienced. They have no idea who they are outside of trauma & that unknown can be terrifying. Removing a mask they have been forced to wear for so long is a mask scary to take off. People who have experienced trauma at a very young age don’t know who they are without the issues caused by the trauma. It’s scary to heal because they don’t know who they’ll be when they’re okay. They have never known themselves without that pain and they have no idea who they’d become if it wasn’t for the trauma!!!!!!!! 👈🏼

It’s work... & it’s hard.. EVERY SINGLE DANG DAY! June, July & August brings a lot more trauma, hurt & unresolved pain to me, a lot of questions & I learned a whole lot more at my dads death, but June 1st is when my dad overdosed, it’s Father’s Day month, it’s his birthday on the 21th, it’s the month I ran myself down and ended up in preterm labor, then my sons 4th birthday & death day is coming August 5th & 6th.... & I still hear •You killed your dad and child• over and over like a razor in my heart, causing me a nervous breakdown, not to mention the other crap I’ve been dealt & my family has too, from a St.Marys Councilman who my mom chooses over us apparently, even though she lied & continues to lie about all that!!!!! But lies have been life for as long as I can remember. I’ve hid so much and lived through so much that had to be covered up, that not many know.. and most of the ones who do are IN THE GRAVE!!!! #MentalHealthAwareness #itsHard

This isn’t even a piece of it!!