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My hope is gone. “Checkmate”



“CHECKMATE”



My hope to ever be loved like I deserve is gone. I will not beg you another day to love me. I will not wait another second for you to be who you should be. You have proved time and time again you’re not capable and as long as that low life scum is around, you will never love me or my children the way we deserve, especially with court looming from his “embarrassment” of the situation where he has made threats, bullied & lied and used his evil to destroy my family.. & I could go a step further but I won’t. You already know. You’ve played a hand in them lies, just like you did leading up to my dads death.. you’re good at your game.. and your “lies of love” well... my hope of them ever being real has faded, just like the promises you’ve made, the verbal agreements & the knowing of how things should be done at deaths of those who entrusted you... I’ll leave that right there.

🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍🐍

The world paints a vivid picture of how things should be, while some just like the “concrete angel” hide behind a mask just trying to feel any validation or hope that maybe one day things will be different, unfortunately that day doesn’t come, not even in death, and all the times you sat down and shut up in hopes that protection of their image would some how be enough for them to finally love and accept you.. the longing of just knowing you were wanted and needed.. judge me all you want.. She will be the first “sympathy seeker” at my death and I hope someone finally puts her in her place for the damage she’s done! I’m not silent to her demands any longer.. I won’t take the demons to my grave like my daddy did! You don’t all know my story yet.. but I promise, after court you will & if I don’t make it to court.. my blog is set to pre dates, to post should I not live to share it, I change the date accordingly so that no one else goes through or suffers this crap alone, my hope was just to be truly loved and I give up on that now! #MyStory


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My daddy loved me.

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Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

February 5th 2023

 I know these are long posts- I am super broken right now, but, Yes I am ok. Sorry I’ve not got back to everyone.. I’ve been on self care mode all day today, cPTSD is real and is not easy to cope with.. & I’ve really beat myself up super bad today.. the feeling of not being enough is super hard to accept. Especially when I hoped for them so bad.. I definitely took steps backwards and relived a lot of trauma, nightmares & have been triggered hard from the past.. I allowed myself to be hurt again & I’ve literally cried all day long durning my awake times because I just don’t understand..  I’ve read some of my favorite books over again that really helped me cope with it all before.. I am weak and tired and my fibromyalgia is flared from the stress.. I will need a few days to recover from just knowing I let my guard down just to have a mom that I deserve.. and once again have to accept the hard truth that I will never have that mom.. to much damage has been caused and every tim