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Narcissistic mommy dearest.

This is sooooo true..  9 thinks people doing realize.

I will continue to speak out, no matter what, someone else here may need my story no matter how uncomfortable it is for some, and honestly like my counselor said, it’s uncomfortable to them because they don’t have to live it just like child death makes some uncomfortable because unless you’ve lived that, well you don’t understand that pain either! But, I don’t have a mom who is my best friend and I have no siblings to deal with this abuse and hell I’ve lived in and to process it with... my support system, just like my “childloss family”, my “daughters of NarcMoms” sisters are right here too! THIS is my family, so while you call your mom to process life, I don’t have that option... Ugh. This link makes my stomach hurt but it’s so true. I’m writing a blog about my last two weeks (I let her do it AGAIN) I feel so screwed up when I want to accept she will be a better person finally and I even sent messages to some that she was finally changing because it had been more than her 2 or 3 day cycle, unfortunately “their” fight just lasted longer than that and she “needed” my supply, and I’m left sick and disgusted to even try and wrap my head around how a mother can do to a child over and over againwhat mine has. You have no idea how much damage I have and just trying to overcome it has proven harder than most will even understand. The abuse from the hands of my very own mother makes death seem so much easier than the demons she’s made or makes me face yet somehow I just keep facing them and it’s made me who I am as a mother today, but just knowing that NO mother who loves even tho she tries to say she does would EVER treat their child this way or watch them go through what she does me and my children. Maybe that was how I was suppose to break her vicious cycle for my children and grandchildren. Her day will come and fortunately or unfortunately however you look at it, it’s coming soon... and I will NOT pick up the pieces, like I have in the past. She can sit with every piece of brokenness she’s caused me, my children, my dead dad, my dead son & her sister even & many others that well........ I believed the lies AGAIN last week and just like my therapist said, NARCISSISTS DO NOT & WILL NOT CHANGE! Him and her was just fighting and she needed me as a supply & laid it on THICK! Just like when my daddy was alive!!!!!!! Ughhhh. God I can not wait for her to reap what she’s sowed and I pray I am stronger than I am now from her abuse and damage.... I’ve saved her from the fire time and time again and guess what.... SHES STILL A SNAKE & SHE STILL BITES ME... I hate myself for allowing her to do this to me.. I don’t understand why she can’t just love me instead of seeing me as an extension of herself and a supply... but now she has him as a supply again so I’m dead to her and the day that I’m really “dead” don’t give her the sympathy she tries to get.. play innocent... the day is coming... my dads death nor silence didn’t stop you but you will not get the satisfaction of me in a body bag and silent like he went!!!! If you read all this.. well I love you because I know it’s a lot and I appreciate you sticking with me through this journey.. I felt so vulnerable especially with what I dealt with last Tuesday too but it’s all part of my testimony and somehow my heart continues to beat...

#IlleatRAMENforspeakingout #DontCare #takeMYmoney #iknowwhatyoureabout #COURTiscoming #Liar #IKnowWhatYoureDoing #fortyOneYearsofit #NarcissistAbuse #ShediditAGAIN #NarcMom

This blog post is sooo true! Actually it’s so much deeper than this even, just imagine how it feels when your very own mother inflicts this pain on you... mine knows she can because without her my family will eat ramen noodles for dinner but that’s ok, she can reap and sow that seed too because I know what my daddy left me so she can strip me of that just like she’s stripped others of what is theirs... more on that later.. for now I am prepping for court and I am so ready for my DAYS before the judge because there won’t be just one... this just pushed me to where I need to FINALLY be to find my voice of truth and face the demons she’s laid and let me laid before me!!

#JusticeforTrey #JusticeforTyler #JusticeforSidneyBlake #JusticeforMyDad #JusticeforMyself

I’ve never been more ready to stand up than I am right now! YOUR LOOK, threats, or pleas of “give me time”  WILL NOT INTIMIDATE this time!!!!! I’ve given you 41 years of that abuse! And watched my dad and son die from the lies. I’m sorry you don’t want to change and love me how I deserve to be loved but I don’t need your conditional love anymore...or your fake love when you are fighting with the evil POCrap who tried to destroy me & my children with his threats & LIES!!! You will learn what he’s about too.... oh wait... you already know, but his little bit of money he slings you and the lies he feeds you keeps you going back for more!!!!!!

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Overdose Awareness: Dad.

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My daddy loved me.

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Overdue. RIP daddy.

(It’s late & this was a very hard post for me! I will be editing this with some voice recordings, court documents, police reports & more in the very near future so please check back for more details soon!!) to my daddy… thanks for loving me hard when you were in sound mind..without the drugs & I’m sorry I didn’t see through the lies that left so many unanswered questions… at your death. I’m one day closer to seeing you!”) ……….  So after today’s appointment I feel like I need to write this post. As many or probably all of you know at this point my dad is dead. Above you will see the final picture of him on earth. Without life. Laying in his casket. Prematurely. What comes next is a mystery that unfortunately I’m not sure will ever get solved although I still have hope that someday before I take my last breath here I will have the answers I’ve been seeking.. Unfortunately I don’t know for certain if his overdose or as I was told “his body was a drug soup kitchen” was intentio