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Narcissistic mommy dearest.

This is sooooo true..  9 thinks people doing realize.

I will continue to speak out, no matter what, someone else here may need my story no matter how uncomfortable it is for some, and honestly like my counselor said, it’s uncomfortable to them because they don’t have to live it just like child death makes some uncomfortable because unless you’ve lived that, well you don’t understand that pain either! But, I don’t have a mom who is my best friend and I have no siblings to deal with this abuse and hell I’ve lived in and to process it with... my support system, just like my “childloss family”, my “daughters of NarcMoms” sisters are right here too! THIS is my family, so while you call your mom to process life, I don’t have that option... Ugh. This link makes my stomach hurt but it’s so true. I’m writing a blog about my last two weeks (I let her do it AGAIN) I feel so screwed up when I want to accept she will be a better person finally and I even sent messages to some that she was finally changing because it had been more than her 2 or 3 day cycle, unfortunately “their” fight just lasted longer than that and she “needed” my supply, and I’m left sick and disgusted to even try and wrap my head around how a mother can do to a child over and over againwhat mine has. You have no idea how much damage I have and just trying to overcome it has proven harder than most will even understand. The abuse from the hands of my very own mother makes death seem so much easier than the demons she’s made or makes me face yet somehow I just keep facing them and it’s made me who I am as a mother today, but just knowing that NO mother who loves even tho she tries to say she does would EVER treat their child this way or watch them go through what she does me and my children. Maybe that was how I was suppose to break her vicious cycle for my children and grandchildren. Her day will come and fortunately or unfortunately however you look at it, it’s coming soon... and I will NOT pick up the pieces, like I have in the past. She can sit with every piece of brokenness she’s caused me, my children, my dead dad, my dead son & her sister even & many others that well........ I believed the lies AGAIN last week and just like my therapist said, NARCISSISTS DO NOT & WILL NOT CHANGE! Him and her was just fighting and she needed me as a supply & laid it on THICK! Just like when my daddy was alive!!!!!!! Ughhhh. God I can not wait for her to reap what she’s sowed and I pray I am stronger than I am now from her abuse and damage.... I’ve saved her from the fire time and time again and guess what.... SHES STILL A SNAKE & SHE STILL BITES ME... I hate myself for allowing her to do this to me.. I don’t understand why she can’t just love me instead of seeing me as an extension of herself and a supply... but now she has him as a supply again so I’m dead to her and the day that I’m really “dead” don’t give her the sympathy she tries to get.. play innocent... the day is coming... my dads death nor silence didn’t stop you but you will not get the satisfaction of me in a body bag and silent like he went!!!! If you read all this.. well I love you because I know it’s a lot and I appreciate you sticking with me through this journey.. I felt so vulnerable especially with what I dealt with last Tuesday too but it’s all part of my testimony and somehow my heart continues to beat...

#IlleatRAMENforspeakingout #DontCare #takeMYmoney #iknowwhatyoureabout #COURTiscoming #Liar #IKnowWhatYoureDoing #fortyOneYearsofit #NarcissistAbuse #ShediditAGAIN #NarcMom

This blog post is sooo true! Actually it’s so much deeper than this even, just imagine how it feels when your very own mother inflicts this pain on you... mine knows she can because without her my family will eat ramen noodles for dinner but that’s ok, she can reap and sow that seed too because I know what my daddy left me so she can strip me of that just like she’s stripped others of what is theirs... more on that later.. for now I am prepping for court and I am so ready for my DAYS before the judge because there won’t be just one... this just pushed me to where I need to FINALLY be to find my voice of truth and face the demons she’s laid and let me laid before me!!

#JusticeforTrey #JusticeforTyler #JusticeforSidneyBlake #JusticeforMyDad #JusticeforMyself

I’ve never been more ready to stand up than I am right now! YOUR LOOK, threats, or pleas of “give me time”  WILL NOT INTIMIDATE this time!!!!! I’ve given you 41 years of that abuse! And watched my dad and son die from the lies. I’m sorry you don’t want to change and love me how I deserve to be loved but I don’t need your conditional love anymore...or your fake love when you are fighting with the evil POCrap who tried to destroy me & my children with his threats & LIES!!! You will learn what he’s about too.... oh wait... you already know, but his little bit of money he slings you and the lies he feeds you keeps you going back for more!!!!!!

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My daddy loved me.

  Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh…  Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husban

Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

February 5th 2023

 I know these are long posts- I am super broken right now, but, Yes I am ok. Sorry I’ve not got back to everyone.. I’ve been on self care mode all day today, cPTSD is real and is not easy to cope with.. & I’ve really beat myself up super bad today.. the feeling of not being enough is super hard to accept. Especially when I hoped for them so bad.. I definitely took steps backwards and relived a lot of trauma, nightmares & have been triggered hard from the past.. I allowed myself to be hurt again & I’ve literally cried all day long durning my awake times because I just don’t understand..  I’ve read some of my favorite books over again that really helped me cope with it all before.. I am weak and tired and my fibromyalgia is flared from the stress.. I will need a few days to recover from just knowing I let my guard down just to have a mom that I deserve.. and once again have to accept the hard truth that I will never have that mom.. to much damage has been caused and every tim