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Always my children.. FIRST.


Ha! True story! Don’t mess with my children;

 I don’t care how old they are, don’t mess with my boys! 

Stubborn or not, (Trey, Tyler & I’m sure SidneyBlake if he was still here would all have a stubborn streak, but they are my world  🌎 & each hold a piece of my heart ♥️ they are the reason I breathe, and beast mode most definitely comes out when it comes to them! 

I don’t know what it’s like to have that kind of mom, (eye roll) 🙄 & that’s why I am the mom I am today, make no mistake about it, I am that kind of mom, will forever be that mom & my boys know this mama will always have their backs/fronts/sides or whatever first! I don’t care who you are or how much you mean to me.. my boys mean more! 

I don’t play when it comes to my children!! I will go all kinds of beast mode, mama llama, mama bear or whatever mama for my children & grandchildren (should that day come!) that they need me to be! I don’t mess around when it comes to my children! I will cut you off quick!

God gave them to me to love, protect and take care of them as long as I have breath & TRUST ME... I don’t care their age, I WILL! 

NO one will ever come before my children 
💙💙💙 I’ll stand with them until my last breath & then use it to tell them how much I love them! They are the only ones who know what my heart sounds like on the inside & they will be the last to hear I love you on the outside! 

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My daddy loved me.

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Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

February 5th 2023

 I know these are long posts- I am super broken right now, but, Yes I am ok. Sorry I’ve not got back to everyone.. I’ve been on self care mode all day today, cPTSD is real and is not easy to cope with.. & I’ve really beat myself up super bad today.. the feeling of not being enough is super hard to accept. Especially when I hoped for them so bad.. I definitely took steps backwards and relived a lot of trauma, nightmares & have been triggered hard from the past.. I allowed myself to be hurt again & I’ve literally cried all day long durning my awake times because I just don’t understand..  I’ve read some of my favorite books over again that really helped me cope with it all before.. I am weak and tired and my fibromyalgia is flared from the stress.. I will need a few days to recover from just knowing I let my guard down just to have a mom that I deserve.. and once again have to accept the hard truth that I will never have that mom.. to much damage has been caused and every tim