C/PTSD : PTSD : Narcissistic Mothers

I wish more people understood C/PTSD & PTSD. Living with it is hell. Seriously, you don’t know what a person is going through & I can promise you it’s a lot deeper than most even realize. 

Only a few handful of people know what I’m dealing with, I’ve written blog posts that’s not posted yet and some of them only scratch the surface, but trust me, It’s not just; “let it go”, “forgiveness”, “move past it”, “stop living in the past”, or whatever Cliché words to “get over it”. It’s so much deeper than that.

Today while I was going through some messages & stuff to send to people working on my case, just hearing my Narcissistic Momster telling me “she’s sorry she brought me into this world”, “how evil & full of the devil I am” & so much more that will be heard soon, triggered me soo BAD, I literally feel so much anxiety, got sick immediately & my anxiety & depression hasn’t even allowed me to even leave my bed. But this is exactly where my narcissistic mother would want me, after all she would rather me be dead like my dad not to expose the demons & evil. I’m on it. Justice for my dad and son will come. I don’t care what it costs, I will figure it out, even if it costs my house. My dad, son, grandparents & my aunt deserve that, and my peace of mind and freedom from the heavy lies, manipulation & abuse deserve to be on the shoulders of the one who put them there. I’m tired of carrying it!! 

I just wish more understood that it’s not just a “walk away” type thing, it’s very traumatizing, it’s not me refusing to let go of it, it’s “it” refusing to let go of me, that is PTSD/CPTSD & triggers that come without warning. 

But, I can say to you, “mommy dearest” You have NOOOO idea how much I wish you had not brought me into this world either!!! Rest your little black soul & heart that I won’t be here much longer & I hope you choke on the fake tears you will cry when I’m gone from the things you’ve said and done or allowed to be done to me. 
Your lies will only carry you so far, sure they have carried you this far but trust me..... the light always drives out the darkness and my DADDY created the brightest light known to man... it’s shining bright on all the darkness you’ve been hiding. 

#CPTSD #PTSD #NarcMomster #Abuse #WasMyDadMurdered?
#Justiceformyfamily #GoodOlBoySystem 

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