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Thanksgiving. Pfft.

Today tears continue to fall, I can not breathe. I hear this over and over. I don’t even have to play it, it continues to repeat in my head, & see my “momster” standing right beside this elected official as he spewed this at me. My daddy & my son, 2 people who should be sitting around my table today & they are dead because of the lies.. I believed. 

I wish I was with them, yet I’m so torn between being here with my family I have left & the friends who became family & just going and being with them to be free of the hurt, the demons, & abuse, that was covered up. 

Our SidneyBlake would be 4 this year, he was born in August, 2 months after my dad was found dead. But had I taken care of me & not her, he may have made it to November on his due date & would still be here... I am having so much guilt... but it doesn’t matter.. a narcissistic mother would rather impress friends & strangers than love their own family... 

I’ll just sit with 2 empty spots where my daddy & son should be... the truth will all be out soon & everyone will see behind the mask... 

Today is hard & I AM NOT OK!!!! 2 people were taken away from me that I can NOT replace. But you know.. that doesn’t matter.. fake it until...

This is real. This is raw. & this crap is HEAVY! 
My heart hurts so bad & if I died of heart break I would not be a bit surprised.

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FB Post 6/22/2020

WOW. So true... unfortunately this person for me is my very own mother.. but thankfully everyday I get stronger without her! She lost the best & her only child & the best & her only grandchildren... the most precious that life could offer.. & it’s ultimately her loss.. I’ve also come to accept she’s responsible for her friend who hurt me & my family deeply too.. especially when she stood by & then sat with him in court against me.. never once caring about the damage done to me... but it has changed me forever and everyday I grow stronger, with those that love & value me & know my worth. 💙 one day she will realize what’s she’s lost.. only then it will be to late.. ✌🏼