Thanksgiving. Pfft.


Today tears continue to fall, I can not breathe. I hear this over and over. I don’t even have to play it, it continues to repeat in my head, & see my “momster” standing right beside this elected official as he spewed this at me. My daddy & my son, 2 people who should be sitting around my table today & they are dead because of the lies.. I believed. 



I wish I was with them, yet I’m so torn between being here with my family I have left & the friends who became family & just going and being with them to be free of the hurt, the demons, & abuse, that was covered up. 

Our SidneyBlake would be 4 this year, he was born in August, 2 months after my dad was found dead. But had I taken care of me & not her, he may have made it to November on his due date & would still be here... I am having so much guilt... but it doesn’t matter.. a narcissistic mother would rather impress friends & strangers than love their own family... 



I’ll just sit with 2 empty spots where my daddy & son should be... the truth will all be out soon & everyone will see behind the mask... 

Today is hard & I AM NOT OK!!!! 2 people were taken away from me that I can NOT replace. But you know.. that doesn’t matter.. fake it until...

This is real. This is raw. & this crap is HEAVY! 
My heart hurts so bad & if I died of heart break I would not be a bit surprised.