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I can not even. Ugh. This is raw. So many of you know some of the relationship between my “egg donor” and I, sadly it’s not the relationship that the world paints of a mother/daughter relationship & if I’m being honest about it, I hid so much in hopes of just being loved by her, but them days are over, the lies are to much.. plus people asking me about stealing her foodstamps, which I have audio recordings I’ll be sharing soon, while my family eats hotdogs, frozen $1.00 pizzas & ramen noodles..& tons of cheap hamburger meat, mind you we are also on the verge of losing our house for back taxes but my own “mother” cries I’ve taken her food stamps, well mommy dearest wait until I show the world everything you’ve taken from me, including my dad and son! It makes me sick to hear the ones talk about her claiming to stay in this “friendship” because her friend drops money in her lap & her friend “has money” & “nice cars”, especially reading the letter above, growing up it was always BMWs, Mercedes & Cadillacs, always because of dad we were all told. It was dad who was always wanting the finer things in life, was it really tho?!  Hummm, I will touch on this soon as well, & so wish Nanny & Papa we’re here for it too... because I know they could color that picture in well, dad was sure enough painted bad over some vehicles.. but anyway, back to the “high life”, living in a gated community doesn’t equal money but I guess that’s part of dads letter, the yards in that community are always kept up & the houses have a standard so it’s a better life there, and losing your whole family is worth all that material stuff.. oh but just wait.. I often wonder when what my dad promised me would always be available to me, will be stripped as punishment for not “sitting down and shutting up”. But I’m not ever doing that again. I am sick of what’s happened & I have hard evidence to back it all up. I can’t wait to see mouths dropped, so many have already dropped & im still sitting on so much more.

As, many of you know she showed many times who she really is as a person & I have plenty more to share about who she is, but in November/December of 2018 she truly showed herself & followed it up in Oct 2019 in court. I promise for those who doesn’t have that whole thing, You will! I’ve written about it I just haven’t been able to share it yet pending more legal stuff... it has taken some time but when it comes it will be  an explosion of relief! I will be free. Unfortunately my dad was not so lucky to be free from it, he paid the ultimate price. He paid with his life. For those that follow me on Facebook, you’ve heard about the letter.,, well here is some of that letter.. there are 7 pages.. THIS is the first page, I didn’t even read past this, I literally threw up. This is my dads own words about the hell he lived. He could never do enough. Nothing was ever appreciated. This makes me want to puke AGAIN. No wonder he turned even heavier to drugs, no wonder he always told me he wanted to die.. he was broken already with the loss of his leg and the person who vowed to love him, he always failed..

Hummm. Sounds familiar huh. Narcissistic evil snake. Always wanting more. Nothing is never good enough, sadly she will never be happy.. EVEN if she stays with the evil piece of crap she’s with now, who she’s talked about too, she will never be happy, because she is a miserable fake person. I’ve learned that.. it took way to many years... but I get it.. I am hurt pretty bad thinking back to the conversations dad and I had about her, but she always had a way of lying her way out... and when I think back now I see all the red flags, but a narcissistic person is good at their evil ways & she’s one of a kind. As I get deeper I learn so much more, but, I know it’s just God showing me who she really is so that I don’t give up on justice for my dad, my children, my dead son, & most of all myself.

Just today she acted as if she “wanted to know how I was doing” trying to keep me reeled into her her lies & abuse, ha. I’m no sucker.. remember this conversation the other day where you thank God my dad is dead. Yea.. I’m sure you do thank God he’s dead because he saw your demons and never had a chance to expose them all as you trashed him & watched him die... ohhh egg donor.. where was his pills when the cops & coroner asked??? Hummmm...  my goodness.. it’s so freeing to be out of her chains..

My family is struggling financially & I know we will struggle some more but I believe our struggle is because I’ve sat silently in fear of her wrath and God is showing me more and more what an evil person she is, freeing my family and I & leading us to freedom over her bondage and even over my dad and sons death, as long as I speak out and help someone else going through this.. I know God is going to use my story & use me, as hard as it is to understand right now because it just hurts.. but everyday I feel more free of her abuse & I fully grasp that I’ll never have a mother because she will never change but God has sent “mother figures” to nurture me & my family, for that I am thankful.. I know when they call and ask how I am it’s because they truly care, it’s not because they want to go “gossip” about me, “get sympathy” over me, or try to manipulate me into believing they care.

I’m adding this here & I may continue on this later but for now, I’m closing with, when I said something about the letter to her, & it doesn’t matter because he’s gone right, she said it didn’t matter how he felt, he’s gone, Thank God, my first thought was I hope her thank God had another part, but there is NOTHING, that could come with thanking God my dad overdosed & died alone drugged in his bed.. absolutely nothing...

Thank God & Dads death doesn’t belong no where close. But then I read the only part of the letter that I’ve read and well.... I guess he is thanking God he’s out of it too. But let me just remind everyone, & I have PROOF, I tried to save him!!!! I did not kill him like it was said I did... & I sure as heck am not Thanking God he’s dead either......

To be continued....

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My daddy loved me.

  Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh…  Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husban

It FINALLY happened.

(Recordings coming soon!!!) I am READY. I’ll be the “crazy one”… my body heart & health is exhausted carrying the abuse, hurt and trauma I’ve been living with.. hiding… covering up to “not hurt my mother” because she always made me cover up and lie about it!!!! Ughhh  It’s been a hell of a few days. Some big things are coming I have listened to more recordings than I even care to hear and completely disgusted that I even thought my mother would ever change.. hearing the hell I’ve been put through and reliving the horror of abuse plus reading my notes to piece it all for my book & the media including the sexual acts just to feed myself or meet at a hotel room and pretty much sell myself to have a bed to sleep in or as I lived in a friends empty apartment after she moved out, yet she kept it for me to live there because I was struggling.. I am just so upset that I ever hid the abuse thinking one day my “mother”? No my incubator / because a mother doesnt do this crap to their chil

Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming