Will I ever be good enough?


Facebook post: Jan 28, 2020


📖 Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers.

The answer is no. I’ll never be good enough for her & I’m not trying to be. I have never been & I won’t be until I’m successfully dead & in “that bodybag” (I have this on audio & it will be released soon!) I was threatened with & then she can get sympathy & attention for my death, then I’ll be good enough, the daughter she loved so much, even as she has my blood on her hands.

I don’t understand why God thought I was strong enough for this life. It absolutely makes no sense to me & the more I realize, process, learn, write, read, hear & see, the more I question. I’ve literally puked trying to process it. The infection from her is real & somedays death seems so much easier, I’ve even prayed for it & been suicidal to be free of her manipulation, lies, abuse & the hurt & pain she’s caused & inflicted on my family. But of course she will lie to your face because she’s always the victim.

As I lay here reading trying to understand, & heal from the damage she’s inflicted, I wonder why I didn’t deserve a mother who loves me. Why I wasn’t enough. Why my children didn’t deserve a grandmother who loves them. How the one who birthed me could inflict so much hell on me & my children and be ok with it. How my own “mother” could know the truth & watch me be abused & threatened & then sit with my abuser in court & flat out lie about that too. Im glad people are finally seeing the truth, & some are still blinded by the web of her lies. But I don’t get it. I’m not sure I will this side of heaven. Healing doesn’t just happen when so much is buried. There is so much infection from her & 2 filled graves, one being my SON, & that doesn’t just go away. I freaking miss that boy!!