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This. Triggers. Me. This is why I choose to speak out. This little boy died at the hands of the very one he loved more than he loved himself. This boy loved his mama no matter what pain he endured.. you know why??? Because the world paints a mama as a beautiful person who will always love you!!! His mama was his first voice, his first touch, his first everything! He grew next to her heart and she was his safe place no matter the hell she made him endure... this makes me so angry.

Here is my post on Amanda in Color on Facebook. Follow me there and go along as I share my story and color another picture, because sadly mothers are not always as the world colors them.

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Heart broken. You know what hurts most about this child.. this is the story for many.. some survive it but the mental & emotional damage is ever lasting.. & some don’t survive but they died loving their momster no matter what she put them through or allowed them to go through at the hands of their “friend/boyfriend”. I’m devastated by this.. it triggers every part of my CPTSD.. my anxiety is at an all time high right now... sure I’m not dead by them, but abuse is abuse and I feel this abuse on this child deeply, I was even threatened with bodybags by my “monsters friend”. This shows just how much abused children love their mom... I can’t tell you how often I prayed for God to take me away from the pain, it has to be easier to be gone then the words etched in. The words I hear daily that I killed my dad and child. Just living with what my mother has allowed me and my family to go through, standing by while St Mary’s Georgia councilman Artie Jones Jr. mentally and emotionally abused and bullied by him and seeing her face stand there and do nothing.. it’s disgusting.. I don’t even know how I still love her but I do, and I pray she changes even though I know she never will.. at least this baby is with a God who loves him and never has to suffer another day.. somedays I feel like death is easier than suffering at the hands of the very person who we grew inside and longed for to love us... these dead children destroy me...

Not everyone has a mom who loves them.. but this boy went to his grave still loving the very hands who took his life with her “friend/boyfriend” she choose over this sweet baby... I can relate on so many levels.

There is a special place in hell for mothers like this who do/participate/ or allow the physical, mental &/or the emotional abuse of their child. I just know it.. ughhhhh. 🔥

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My daddy loved me.

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Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

February 5th 2023

 I know these are long posts- I am super broken right now, but, Yes I am ok. Sorry I’ve not got back to everyone.. I’ve been on self care mode all day today, cPTSD is real and is not easy to cope with.. & I’ve really beat myself up super bad today.. the feeling of not being enough is super hard to accept. Especially when I hoped for them so bad.. I definitely took steps backwards and relived a lot of trauma, nightmares & have been triggered hard from the past.. I allowed myself to be hurt again & I’ve literally cried all day long durning my awake times because I just don’t understand..  I’ve read some of my favorite books over again that really helped me cope with it all before.. I am weak and tired and my fibromyalgia is flared from the stress.. I will need a few days to recover from just knowing I let my guard down just to have a mom that I deserve.. and once again have to accept the hard truth that I will never have that mom.. to much damage has been caused and every tim