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 I’ve posted some new blogs! 


 + AmandainColor.com


& created a new YouTube channel!


+ https://youtube.com/channel/UCcY-vMMDFS_f3YBUzlZDWFw


+++ a BOOK IS IN THE WORKS!!! 


“Never sit down and shut up!”


She wants to call me “DeManda” because I’m so “demanding”, well.. (recording coming soon!)

yes “monster” I am.. I am demanding freedom, from the mental & emotional abuse, the trauma, the absence of a mother who loved, the premature death of my dad and son due to YOUR denial &  negligence, the abuse you’ve allowed me to suffer while turning your head, the image of you sitting in the court room with my abuser, the theft & price changes, the lies.. +++ so much more to be revealed.. I am DEMANDA, demanding to be free of the razor wire you’ve wrapped around my neck! You are a sick individual. 

Most children only fear make believe monsters, unfortunately mine was not just make believe, you are a real life monster! + you had the audacity to call me the evil & full of the devil one?

“I’ll sit down and shut up one day but that day won’t come with you getting by with all the hell you’ve put me and my children through, or watched us go through & God only knows what dad went through to be a “soul kitchen of drugs” at his death!”

You my monster dearest are POISON!

🐍 & so is that little nasty disgusting garbage man Artie Jones who you sat with in court, who told me I killed my dad and child & threatened my family with body bags!! Bring your lies!!! My truth will destroy every lie you bring at me!! #MonsterMother #narcissist




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My daddy loved me.

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It FINALLY happened.

(Recordings coming soon!!!) I am READY. I’ll be the “crazy one”… my body heart & health is exhausted carrying the abuse, hurt and trauma I’ve been living with.. hiding… covering up to “not hurt my mother” because she always made me cover up and lie about it!!!! Ughhh  It’s been a hell of a few days. Some big things are coming I have listened to more recordings than I even care to hear and completely disgusted that I even thought my mother would ever change.. hearing the hell I’ve been put through and reliving the horror of abuse plus reading my notes to piece it all for my book & the media including the sexual acts just to feed myself or meet at a hotel room and pretty much sell myself to have a bed to sleep in or as I lived in a friends empty apartment after she moved out, yet she kept it for me to live there because I was struggling.. I am just so upset that I ever hid the abuse thinking one day my “mother”? No my incubator / because a mother doesnt do this crap to their chil

Narcissistic Mother.

This is the hardest thing for me.. you see as children of narcissistic mothers you never really learn what true love is and often times bounce through life wondering how anyone else could possibly love you when the one who grew you in their stomach didn’t even love you. The reality is your mother is the sick twisted one who programmed you since you were a seed in her stomach and birthed you into a cage to keep you under her control and always make you look like the problem.  All my life I was the problem, unfortunately when you are programmed since before you were even born you always believe it’s you, even into adulthood. And unfortunately you always hope and wait, even hide abuse, because you’re trapped in a cage and your whole identity is built around your narcissistic mother so you never have a true identity and most often times don’t learn until you’re much older at which point she’s already painted who she wants everyone to believe you are while you hide the abuse you do recogniz