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Great read! Unloved Daughters.

She has shown how cold she can be & I’ve used my heart so much all I have is the shattered pieces left….

Great read (click the link here)

So I’ve noticed I have several unpublished blogs I am just going to post them with edits to be made later. But this needed to be published now. Some of my “sisters” need this as much as I did. Validation is key when you’re living a life of a narcissistic mother especially when your dad & child are dead as a result.. 

Sure, dad had a hand in his abuse but his sole caregiver didn’t get the help he needed and enabled him.. which led to a early death and unfortunately justice will probably never be served for that.. then falls the death of my son because I just wanted to be loved & be enough for her & sleeping on her living room floor while I was suppose to be in a bed with my feet propped up.. you see tho.. Sidney Blake didn’t & doesn’t mean anything to her.. it wasn’t her loss… I mean let’s be real… she still has 2 grandchildren (her only grandchildren) here breathing & hasn’t spoken to or seen them in years; & sadly enough allowed them to be threatened with Artie Jones weapon & also body bags… yet she did absolutely nothing to protect them either. So why would she have done anything to protect Sidney Blake.. had he survived she would not be a part of his life either so his death doesn’t effect her one bit. Disgusting huh. 

Letting go and moving past it all is hard work; the intense therapy & medication alone has been hard but what’s even harder for me is my children not having grandparents to love them & wondering why they were not enough, although years later they don’t seem to be as bogged down with it as they once where, it’s still gross to me how any grandmother could be ok with her blood being threatened with body bags & told they killed their dad & child, & choose that evil over their own child & grandchildren.. I long for the day she regrets that decision.. she’s lost a lot of time & memories with two amazing boys who she will never ever have the chance to know or be apart of their weddings nor ever have the privilege of meeting what would be her great grandchildren.. & I just couldn’t even imagine not being a part of these two wonderful boys lives, Thank God I don’t have to… because I’ll choose them first always & no one in my circle or life will ever harm them, threaten them or bully them & be apart of my life… I don’t need people like that in my life.. I need my blood. My boys. My heart… before anyone else.. -including my own mother.. who has allowed us to be abused & sat with our abuser in court & still continues to lie & justify some of her actions, especially when certain people are around… 

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My daddy loved me.

  Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh…  Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husban

It FINALLY happened.

(Recordings coming soon!!!) I am READY. I’ll be the “crazy one”… my body heart & health is exhausted carrying the abuse, hurt and trauma I’ve been living with.. hiding… covering up to “not hurt my mother” because she always made me cover up and lie about it!!!! Ughhh  It’s been a hell of a few days. Some big things are coming I have listened to more recordings than I even care to hear and completely disgusted that I even thought my mother would ever change.. hearing the hell I’ve been put through and reliving the horror of abuse plus reading my notes to piece it all for my book & the media including the sexual acts just to feed myself or meet at a hotel room and pretty much sell myself to have a bed to sleep in or as I lived in a friends empty apartment after she moved out, yet she kept it for me to live there because I was struggling.. I am just so upset that I ever hid the abuse thinking one day my “mother”? No my incubator / because a mother doesnt do this crap to their chil

Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming