So after today’s appointment I feel like I need to write this post. As many or probably all of you know at this point my dad is dead. Above you will see the final picture of him on earth. Without life. Laying in his casket. Prematurely. What comes next is a mystery that unfortunately I’m not sure will ever get solved although I still have hope that someday before I take my last breath here I will have the answers I’ve been seeking..
Unfortunately I don’t know for certain if his overdose or as I was told “his body was a drug soup kitchen” was intentional or if it was really accidental or even who knows could it have been “assisted”? I really don’t know because I was not there on that day, however I was there the day before & I've been there since birth.. & what I can tell you is it’s all grey. I wish I had the ability to paint it all in color just as I am my life but when his body was found cold it was to late…
So let me back up some: dad lost his leg when I was a baby, I never knew him otherwise. Over the years of my life it was a roller coaster.. in & out of the hospital, sickness & more sickness, surgery & more surgeries, good days/years & most definitely a lot of bad days/years.. although closer to his death there was definitely a lot more bad than good. Matter of fact I got so sick of the bad I refused to allow my children to stay alone with him.. you will hear over the voice recordings that will be posted how “I better be glad I visited him the day before he died” used as a stab against me for staying away; & you will also here how my children referenced him as “crazy” & how he cried for my children & I.. & we rarely visited… well I will be sharing some voice recordings that will also explain to you.. more as to why we didn’t go often..
One being I protected my children!!! For anyone who has lived with someone who has a drug addiction knows it can be a ugly thing & I lived it.. I refused to allow my children to see that side of things; they were exposed to it enough but I did what I had to to protect them.. as bad as it hurt.. because I knew deep down there was another side when dad wasn’t drugged unfortunately it became less & less that we saw that side of him & as much as I tried to get him help I was met with brick walls.. & I may not have a mother who protects me, but, one thing about me that I broke the generation curse over is that I am a mother who protects my children & will do so until my last breath!! I love my children more than air!
You see as the drug abuse got worse so did the emotional & mental abuse.. & while we are here let’s talk about my young son calling me crying to come get him as he had just witnessed my dad beating my “mother” & she wasn’t even able to pick my child up because her arm was hurt so bad.. of course she will lie about this and cover it up just as she always has.. her lies are years in the making.. so at that point Jack & I decided it was best that our boys no longer stayed there.. mind you I grew up in this behavior but it had definitely got worse at this point.. a few years later mom got sick, she was hospitalized & I had been staying to help her (not even sure why I did, she clearly never returned that favor of my many hospital stays) but anyway, my son was older at this point & I felt certain that the ride to the hospital would be ok, even tho we will not discuss the “behind the wheel” accidents & even court cases.. (at least not right now) so I allowed my dad to drive my son to me & Jack was coming right after work & would take him back home.. well… even that was a huge mistake… you see dad decided to stop & do a “drug exchange/deal” or whatever you want to call it with a neighbor at her work WITH MY SON PRESENT… & then my son was “threatened”.. they got to the hospital & after my dad raided my mothers medicine in her purse while she was in surgery; he then left, my son asked me to go with him into a PUBLIC bathroom downstairs so it was just him & I, & started crying asking if we were “safe” so he could talk to me… I told him yes to tell me what was wrong.. he processed to tell me about the “drugs, the lady & the threats!” I immediately called my papa who was determined to take care of the issue right then.. well against my better judgment I asked him to wait until mom come out of surgery.. & she did shortly after.. & I told her.. which she promised to handle the situation, “acting as if she was furious” ::side note:: the same furious she was about us being threatened with body bags & being told I killed my dad and child.. remember she would sling his ass under a bus? Yea well she was going to handle this situation with my son as well..
Im sure I don’t have to tell you that neither was handled.. if I only knew then what I know now. I was so brainwashed.
The weeks went by just as they did with her going out gracefully & it was all just a hush hush while my son suffered & was told to be silent. Humm. That seems to be a pattern.
The drug use got worse. The abuse got worse. Matter of fact you will also here how I took her away from her house & dad a year before his death but she will not tell you the truth here either.. but I have recordings on this as well & let me just say I regret protecting her from him because my family suffered!!!! Only to be made to look like the bad ones in this situation with her lies - (again.. another pattern she does so well) however my children suffered and heard words spewed at them that would make you cringe!!!!!! It was sooo DISGUSTING… at that point there was no turning back, until he got help we made the decision to stay away.. protecting our children & my mental health because I honestly could not take anymore..it was so bad. So bad in fact we had a cop living close by who we had put on alert because when the drugs were used, you had no idea the person you’d get! It was scary!! I can honestly say tho when the drugs were not in full use he was a different person & I know without a doubt he loved me & my children, would he really hurt us? No I don’t think “he” would.. but “he” wasn’t there when the “drugs” was.. the drugs definitely made him a different person… so I pleaded with my “mother” to get him help. Well she lied -no surprise. She said she was & she was in control of all his medicine. But he continued to take money from the bank & buy more.. I would constantly watch the account & call my “mother”, I called the cops, I called our drug officers, problem was he had a prescription for them.. so he really had a “right” to have them.. however it was never enough & finally when he was caught in the parking lot of Winn Dixie with a friend of my “mothers” -buying…. & I was able to get the law there.. he claimed he was there for “my mother” & it was hard to prove because he did have a prescription.. (much later this lady goes to jail for drugs too BTW.) & now fast forward I have doubts about it he was really even there for him or if it was more… ugh. There is more to this..
So fast forward; many hospital visits, a few over doses, many phone calls about him wanting to die. Me begging to get him help, all ignored.. EVEN.. a very telling recording coming about him being given CPR by someone else trying to save him.. & Even the night before his death when I was there he was sick of living.. was it because of his health? Or because of her? Because I can tell you I’ve been sick of living because of her too! I guess we will never know & them demons lay in the ground in the St Marys cemetery. Either way he’s gone.. & the truth probably lies way out in space. But what doesn’t lie out there is all the lies.. the lies of her claiming to roll him over & give him CPR.. when he was still on his stomach in bed when the police & I arrived.. so how did that happen? He was NEVER given CPR. But I was told he was. There is so much grey right here!!! It pisses me off!!! Matter of fact she wasn’t even there when I arrived she was next door! There is so much more here y’all. But right now my heart needs to rest.
But before I do; I feel like I need to say again.. he wasn’t a bad person, the drugs just made him someone else, a person I couldn’t be around, & it could change in a moment so I was ALWAYS cautious… HOWEVER I know for 100000% fact, had he been in a sober mind & alive, & my children & I were threatened with body bags & me verbally, mentally & emotionally abused with “you killed your child” & my children threatened with Artie Jones Jr.s weapon (police reports) —- Artie Jones Jr. would be zipped up in that very body bag he threatened us with!!! I promise you my dad would not have been sitting with him in the court room.. there wouldn’t have been court.. for that.. it most definitely would have been a different court & funeral and anyone who knows my dad or papa knows that is exactly what would have happened!! So all of this is why I post so much about my dad.. he may have had a different side when on the drugs but I do believe he loved us.. I do believe he wanted help..but he wasn’t given help, he was enabled… & his enabler is walking free, sitting in court with a man who has abused her family, hasn’t seen her grandchildren or daughter in years, living off my dads money that I had for years that she just stripped from me just a few months ago, all the while, allowing this evil piece of shit to walk on the land my dead dad poured sweat, tears & blood, literally to his death.. & ultimately DIED on that land in that house.. while my children can’t even enjoy the pool my father dug for me & for his grandchildren to enjoy.. or be able to spend time & be comfortable like normal grandchildren do at their grandparents, because they are threatened with weapons & don’t feel safe at the very place they should feel safe at..
All these years I believed it was all dad… even at one point believed at his death my children could have a relationship with my mother that they longed for, they wanted that grandparent relationship, but she always claimed she couldn’t “because of him”, he was sick, or the fact that I kept them away to protect them... yes I protected them from the drugs… all the while believing her lies.. not knowing she was the mastermind behind it all.. I learned at his death who she really was and that’s been a hard reality for me.. she has fooled so many people.. I long for the day her mask falls, karma knocks & people see who she really is.. & it’s happening. I hear from ones often who have learned her & I still stand behind my words.. she has the blood of my dad, my son & soon my blood as well; on her filthy hands…that not even the “chlorine” (ugh!) can wipe away.. let her “Christian tongue” fool you if you want… but here is a piece of advice.. satan knew the Bible cover to cover too!! & he can pray better than some real Christian’s I believe.. & let’s not talk about the preachers who have fooled so many!!!
While dad wasn’t a saint…& done some pretty nasty things when on his drugs; I know he would not have EVER been of sound mind & hurt me or my children.. or allowed someone else to hurt us, like my mother has, so for that he was way better than the mother I was given.. EVEN on the drugs!!! & for that alone I live torn for not fighting harder for him to get the help he needed.. which is why I hurt so bad to hear the words “I killed him” because I did fail him not protecting him from her…. & her lies….. Had I only known..