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Valentine’s Day.

Today sucks.

Just like every other milestone & holiday. We all woke up today knowing a huge piece of our heart is gone. Snatched. Taken away. Dead. These words echo in my broken heart..

So cold. Just like she is.. cold. Calloused. Selfish. Disgusting.

Today dad would have given me flowers… I would have taken pictures & posted them.. instead this is the last picture I have of him…

And the truth is no one is even grieving Dad or SidneyBlakes death like me & my boys. He wasn’t anyone else’s dad.. clearly by the above message she doesn’t care that they are dead and gone.. she got her money & house.. she is living her life like neither of them mattered.. heck me nor my kids matter to her either… clearly her actions show that… 

She doesn’t care that she’s hurt my children.

Sad that she tells me to never call her again but she allowed that evil piece of crap to do & say all he has and she runs to him every chance she gets.. but she equally trash talks him too. He just don’t know it..

& im still waiting for him to be slung under the bus like she said… 

Disgusting individuals. I can’t even physically understand how either of them can look in the mirror at themselves especially if they take off their masks first.. I wish so much he would put me in the body bags he’s threatened me with so I can be free of both of them.. I carry on because of my children here but living without SidneyBlake knowing he could have been here had I saw through her lies destroys me… & how she stood by while I was verbally, mentally & emotionally abused that I killed my dad & child is beyond me… her day will come & that day she will face all her evil… I may not be around to see it but I know it will.. just like his will too!! 

These words took the rest of my heart out. I can’t even breathe most days… yet she sit beside this evil piece of scum.. again he has no idea what she has said about him.. but clearly they both put on a pretty good show…. 

Today my heart is broken knowing my littlest Valentine’s is far away in a place I can’t even hug him & give him his little box of chocolate.. I have to drop it at a freaking GRAVE!!!!!

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My daddy loved me.

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Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

February 5th 2023

 I know these are long posts- I am super broken right now, but, Yes I am ok. Sorry I’ve not got back to everyone.. I’ve been on self care mode all day today, cPTSD is real and is not easy to cope with.. & I’ve really beat myself up super bad today.. the feeling of not being enough is super hard to accept. Especially when I hoped for them so bad.. I definitely took steps backwards and relived a lot of trauma, nightmares & have been triggered hard from the past.. I allowed myself to be hurt again & I’ve literally cried all day long durning my awake times because I just don’t understand..  I’ve read some of my favorite books over again that really helped me cope with it all before.. I am weak and tired and my fibromyalgia is flared from the stress.. I will need a few days to recover from just knowing I let my guard down just to have a mom that I deserve.. and once again have to accept the hard truth that I will never have that mom.. to much damage has been caused and every tim