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My daddy loved me.

 




Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh… 
Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husband, grandsons & daughter… y’all just don’t know.. I could go on & I will… but it’s sickens me thinking of all the hell… & now I know why he wanted to die.. being dead seemed so much easier than the hell she wrecks.. trust me… just wait until you hear what she told my husband when I went to commit suicide to be free of her knives in me….. it will make your stomach sick….. & here is a piece of my dads feelings.. absolute helpless nothing is ever enough.. he didn’t give her the best car or a house in a gated community… so now he lies in a grave….. & she lives the life she wants……



. I still couldn’t wrap my head around it but the road had been long, hard & truth be told I’m sure a lot more I didn’t even know of.. now almost 7 years in… there are days I want to die to be free of the hell my own mother has caused me & watched me go through while she silently laughs at my pain.. I can’t even breathe most days thinking of how someone can birth a child, call their self a mother and wreck so much havoc , pain, hurt, malice & blood over their own child & watch their child suffer, and drown, yet, put their own foot on top of their child’s head to push their head under the water to make sure they are in fact dead & zipped away in the body bags they were threatened with while she stood by and done NOTHING.. I see her doing the same thing with my dad, coaching him to his death, watching him lay there and die, so that she can live this life she’s living now, in a free house, no job & a steady income. A income my dad allowed me access to before his death.. that has since been taken from me & now I get peanuts of it to live off of and that could even be taken because just as lies roll off her tongue, me being put on the acct & the house has yet to happen.. she did all that while I was dealing with the death of my son with empty promises of fixing it all.. her 7 years later… lie after lie… I’m glad dads free of the hell… I will be someday also.. I’m just sad he didn’t get out before he laid in bed & died of a “soup kitchen of drugs” where I was told by her she gave him CPR, but he was found on his stomach in the same position his heart stopped… it’s disgusting… but now she gets to live the life she wants without having to be a “caregiver” & has taken a dad & papa, also (SidneyBlake) a son & brother, & allowed me to be told I killed them both! By disgusting evil maggot slime Artie Jones Jr….. 


& while I’m here; this is how she feels about them being dead while she lives her life; because you know it’s not her dad, papa nor her child or brother, she’s free… living her best life… waiting for me to die too…
So disgusting...



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Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

February 5th 2023

 I know these are long posts- I am super broken right now, but, Yes I am ok. Sorry I’ve not got back to everyone.. I’ve been on self care mode all day today, cPTSD is real and is not easy to cope with.. & I’ve really beat myself up super bad today.. the feeling of not being enough is super hard to accept. Especially when I hoped for them so bad.. I definitely took steps backwards and relived a lot of trauma, nightmares & have been triggered hard from the past.. I allowed myself to be hurt again & I’ve literally cried all day long durning my awake times because I just don’t understand..  I’ve read some of my favorite books over again that really helped me cope with it all before.. I am weak and tired and my fibromyalgia is flared from the stress.. I will need a few days to recover from just knowing I let my guard down just to have a mom that I deserve.. and once again have to accept the hard truth that I will never have that mom.. to much damage has been caused and every tim