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Bereaved Mother’s Day

 


FB post 5.1.22-

I can not write the words “happy” before International bereave Mother’s Day.. there is nothing happy about any day living without one of my children.. today is a recognized day of grief for mothers who have empty arms, a hole in their broken heart, many questions with no answers, a lot of missed milestones & a grave or urn that holds the remains of their child who should be here with us today.. it’s gut wrenching… the sad truth to today is.. we don’t only recognize today as a day of the loss of our child/children.. like Mother’s Day traditionally for just one day & then it’s over, bereaved Mother’s Day is everyday for us. We wake up every single day without a piece of our heart & every breath hurts… today a lot of mothers will share their children because it’s a day they can do it without feeling the pressure of the world for grieving their child… & it shouldn’t be that way. A mother should be able to speak of their child who has passed just as a mother who speaks of their child who is alive… without it being uncomfortable!! Do you think we want to live everyday without our child? Do you think our child means any less because they are no longer on earth with us?? If you are one of those who get uncomfortable with talking about a child who is no longer here, then be thankful you don’t know the gut wrenching, heart breaking, soul crushing pain that we feel EVERYDAY for the rest of our lives.. today is just another reminder that our child is gone… & a recognized day for a loss that is unimaginable…. 


SidneyBlake I love you everyday son. Every breath makes me closer to you. Every heartbeat hurts.

We talk about you all the time son..

You are loved, you were wanted, you will never be forgotten… I look for you in everyday all day, even in my dreams. 💙


It hurts so damn much living without my boy. Today I hear the words I killed him. Just like everyday. Today I also am reminded that my own mother doesn’t want me. Today I am one day closer to being gone from this earth, from the maggot who told me I killed my child & my own mother who sat by him while he destroyed me.. I hope she feels just a piece of the pain of losing a child.. which she won’t because she didn’t want me while I was here… I still see her leaving me laying on her lawn having a nervous breakdown & on my abusers side of the courtroom — I am already dead to her.. just not in the body bags the scum of the earth threatened me with while she stood there.. remember that next time you see them together or she tells you she loves & misses me…. 

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My daddy loved me.

  Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh…  Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husban

Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

It FINALLY happened.

(Recordings coming soon!!!) I am READY. I’ll be the “crazy one”… my body heart & health is exhausted carrying the abuse, hurt and trauma I’ve been living with.. hiding… covering up to “not hurt my mother” because she always made me cover up and lie about it!!!! Ughhh  It’s been a hell of a few days. Some big things are coming I have listened to more recordings than I even care to hear and completely disgusted that I even thought my mother would ever change.. hearing the hell I’ve been put through and reliving the horror of abuse plus reading my notes to piece it all for my book & the media including the sexual acts just to feed myself or meet at a hotel room and pretty much sell myself to have a bed to sleep in or as I lived in a friends empty apartment after she moved out, yet she kept it for me to live there because I was struggling.. I am just so upset that I ever hid the abuse thinking one day my “mother”? No my incubator / because a mother doesnt do this crap to their chil