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This is a mother who loves…

I’m done with Facebook for today. 😭

I just posted this on my reels, for those that don’t see it, Im so broken.. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks.. I ache to know what this love is, this is one of those “as the world paints” mothers that not all children get.. & are left as empty shells wondering why they were never enough… & unfortunately I am one of those children who feels that emptiness & often wonders why I don’t deserve this kind of love.. 💔 

I am the mom I am today because I don’t want my children to ever feel this emptiness, or ever question their self worth, but I often have to remind myself to keep breathing; & some days are just really dark.. 

& sadly my nightmares are much welcomed over being awake facing real life monsters & the reality that I live, everyday, including my family being threatened with body bags, I was told I killed my child & my dad, while my mother drove off and left me & then she sat with this scum in court as he attacked me mentally in the court room… but I’m sure she will be the biggest supporter of his campaign again… & lie about it the whole time just like last time…..
—while her daughter is dying… 

-this stuff doesn’t just go away.. 

PTSD, triggers & reminders are a constant wave, leaving me fighting & gasping for my next breath… just like I did all alone, in her front yard…. As she drove away with him & left me…

……remember that as you vote.. 



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Overdose Awareness: Dad.

I will be adding to this post & will remove this when I’m finished, so if you see this FYI know this blog post isn’t finished. Dad. I have no words. I could say a million things, yet, I hear the echoes of how your body was a “soup kitchen of drugs”, the lies of regimens, “I’m controlling his medication & blah blah blah, the lies. & all the times I tried to save you, but my voice, cries for help & pleas didn’t matter. Now that you’re gone life goes on for some, but for others like me & the boys, you can’t just be replaced, it doesn’t matter that drugs took you away from your only daughter & grandchildren.. I can’t just go find another dad. Although the more I learn the more I understand why death seemed easier than life. (SemiColon) Justice will come.. I don’t care what anyone says, I didn’t like who you were when you were drugged up, but you were always my daddy, you were there when the drugs didn’t keep you away and you sure as heck would not stand

My daddy loved me.

  Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh…  Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husban

Overdue. RIP daddy.

(It’s late & this was a very hard post for me! I will be editing this with some voice recordings, court documents, police reports & more in the very near future so please check back for more details soon!!) to my daddy… thanks for loving me hard when you were in sound mind..without the drugs & I’m sorry I didn’t see through the lies that left so many unanswered questions… at your death. I’m one day closer to seeing you!”) ……….  So after today’s appointment I feel like I need to write this post. As many or probably all of you know at this point my dad is dead. Above you will see the final picture of him on earth. Without life. Laying in his casket. Prematurely. What comes next is a mystery that unfortunately I’m not sure will ever get solved although I still have hope that someday before I take my last breath here I will have the answers I’ve been seeking.. Unfortunately I don’t know for certain if his overdose or as I was told “his body was a drug soup kitchen” was intentio