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This is a mother who loves…

I’m done with Facebook for today. 😭

I just posted this on my reels, for those that don’t see it, Im so broken.. 

It hit me like a ton of bricks.. I ache to know what this love is, this is one of those “as the world paints” mothers that not all children get.. & are left as empty shells wondering why they were never enough… & unfortunately I am one of those children who feels that emptiness & often wonders why I don’t deserve this kind of love.. 💔 

I am the mom I am today because I don’t want my children to ever feel this emptiness, or ever question their self worth, but I often have to remind myself to keep breathing; & some days are just really dark.. 

& sadly my nightmares are much welcomed over being awake facing real life monsters & the reality that I live, everyday, including my family being threatened with body bags, I was told I killed my child & my dad, while my mother drove off and left me & then she sat with this scum in court as he attacked me mentally in the court room… but I’m sure she will be the biggest supporter of his campaign again… & lie about it the whole time just like last time…..
—while her daughter is dying… 

-this stuff doesn’t just go away.. 

PTSD, triggers & reminders are a constant wave, leaving me fighting & gasping for my next breath… just like I did all alone, in her front yard…. As she drove away with him & left me…

……remember that as you vote.. 



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My daddy loved me.

  Life wasn’t always easy with dad, especially when he was so drugged up you couldn’t stand to be around him, he was either hateful & vile or so depressed he talked about wanting to die to be free of it all.. at the times he talked about wanting to die I had no idea how he could even say that when he had me & 2 beautiful grandchildren to live for, even a 3rd on the way & his last day before he died it laid in bed with a dry mouth and spoke death to be free… he even wrote a letter that he was never enough.. nothing he did or gave was enough.. I can’t even tell you the times he talked about suicide or went on drives not to even be found to be free from her mouth… accusing him of women after women… the hell, the arguments, the fights… the accusations… the drama, the lies… ughh…  Broken iPads, a woman beat in Walmart, my baby shower ruined, my husbands job ruined, my sons 4th of July baby race ruined.:. So much shit & here she sits… like she’s the victim who lost her husban

Well. It continues..

  & my son also. Thanks MOTHER. Yup I sure have. I seen him there (overdosed or drugged?) I have yet to figure out which yet because the person who birthed me “controlled his medicine” & her lies are thick. I am not sure she knows what truth is for anything. If it comes out her mouth it’s a lie, sadly she puts on such a show that she has some believe what comes out, but for the most part she is just tolerated and people “laugh in her face” “even her friends” hummm that is a statement I was told funny how them words were more fitting for her and the piece of shits mouth they came from.. in the near future you will see a picture of my dad in the last state I saw him in. It is disgusting. I’ve not had the strength to put it out yet because it’s horrible & so many will be shocked. Also recordings from my own dad & many others will also shock you.. but to me it’s a final piece  of where it’s all about to go & hopefully justice is served.. it’s hard knowing what is coming

It FINALLY happened.

(Recordings coming soon!!!) I am READY. I’ll be the “crazy one”… my body heart & health is exhausted carrying the abuse, hurt and trauma I’ve been living with.. hiding… covering up to “not hurt my mother” because she always made me cover up and lie about it!!!! Ughhh  It’s been a hell of a few days. Some big things are coming I have listened to more recordings than I even care to hear and completely disgusted that I even thought my mother would ever change.. hearing the hell I’ve been put through and reliving the horror of abuse plus reading my notes to piece it all for my book & the media including the sexual acts just to feed myself or meet at a hotel room and pretty much sell myself to have a bed to sleep in or as I lived in a friends empty apartment after she moved out, yet she kept it for me to live there because I was struggling.. I am just so upset that I ever hid the abuse thinking one day my “mother”? No my incubator / because a mother doesnt do this crap to their chil