Amanda’s Story

This is going to be a longer post: but I wanted to share this. 😑 so much truth. “The silent treatment is a form of mental abuse narcissist use to try and silence the victim” “It erodes victims self esteem” & “Makes victim feel worthless” semicolon; I am a warr;or- I am worthy. I am loved. I am valuable. If you have ever had the soul-destroying experience of a narcissist, then you will know that it comes with its own set of unique problems. The narcissist lacks empathy and is emotionally immature. Sadly, She/He is not interested in any thoughts or opinions you may have and only gives attention, time and cares about who will dote on them.  At some point in your relationship, you will undoubtedly be on the receiving end of the silent treatment. Also known as emotional withholding, this is a manipulation technique favoured by those who have narcissistic temperaments. Unlike others who may withdraw because they feel hurt, are sulking, or simply wish to avoid confli

I did a thing today. I’ve been wanting to do this for a while but my fear of being judged and taking off the mask to reveal my true self scared me. I’m no longer scared. This is my story. My story didn’t end where it could have many times. God didn’t take me when I prayed for Him too. I’ve survived and my story continues. You'll never stop me I'm a warr;or When I fall down I get stronger Faith is my shield, His love is the armor I'm a warr;or Every scar on my skin or in my heart Is a beautiful reminder Of a moment when I didn't give in And I walked through fire. I would love for you to stay on this journey with me and love me while I heal. It may be raw at times, but, I’d rather raw over messy & “I’ve already bled on people who didn’t cut me..” I don’t want to do that anymore! So I need to face it even if it rips open old scabs to clean them and allow them to heal without infection.  Today I step out and stop

While this isn’t the full reason I share my story this is part of it. The last couple of years since my dad and son have passed I’ve learned so much, a lot of it hurts, but, even hearing about “who I am” from people who don’t even know me. Sad reality is this person could walk up to me right now and gut me and I’d have no idea who she even was... now even though I don’t owe anyone anything let me explain; there are only a FEW of these people; I am met daily with love, support, truth and people that truly know me and that have been there MY WHOLE LIFE that I would know if they walked up to me.. those are the ones who matter; but, since this person decided to attack me publicly on MY OWN POST.. I felt like I could elaborate a little on the “lies”. This didn’t just start, I just masked it because that’s what we’ve always done. No matter what happen we hid it.. I am not hiding anymore and the more you learn the more you will know why! After dad died and the same lies were still being tol

Today is a new day: I promise as my blog grows you will see why I’ve shared my story.. I’ve hidden so much because I was told I had to and it’s destroyed who I am.. burying my dad and my son has shown me so much.. its time for me to stand on the truth and not lay and sob being told “God took my dead son from me and gave him to my dad because I was a horrible person” depending on who is around. You don’t know the truth, but I’m about to help you learn just exactly what it’s like living with a narcissist. Yet being told how special, loved and wanted I am by the ones who truly know and love me. It’s time to face the demons head on not because of who is around or preying thinking they have gain of some sort but because it’s the truth and more people know the truth over the lie.. yes I am fully aware I don’t have to share my story.. but I have not “stolen” anything “ruined my children” “tormented my family” and I most certainly am not the person that was painted when “911” was called b

There will not be a black and white or greyscale Amanda anymore. Amanda is coming out in color! Full blown color!  I have been black and white & even grey for wayyyy to long and I deserve better for myself. My children deserve better & my husband does too! I am sure I’ll get back lash, but truthfully I don’t care, if my story saves even one person from dealing with what I’ve dealt with even as if today, it is worth it! I will be posting here and sharing my story that will hopefully keep someone else from feeling hopeless & worthless and feeling suppressed behind a mask. YOU MATTER!  You will NOT go to hell for not “honoring your mother” when she allows you to be abused or abused you herself.  This blog will be pretty raw but at least I can start to heal without the demons of my past & present suppressing me with the lies.. unfortunately my dad didn’t get out, but I am determined to break the chains.  I am breaking the chains right now  and vow to be free! The dou