Amanda’s Story

I am so sick today. I’m physically, mentally & emotionally drained. I’ve pretty much been in bed the last 2 days & I ache & hurt so bad I probably won’t get up today either, but unless you’re close to me you’d never know!! I’ve learned to hide it & I hide it well. It’s so hard to explain unless you’ve been here & I sure hope YOU never get here! I know I have a few friends who do understand..but It’s not just get over it. Move on. Put it behind you. Live for what you have. & so many other cliche words, It’s just not that easy!!!!! I try hard!! Harder than most even know. My body aches, there are days I can’t even move, even being TOUCHED pains me... it hurts so so soooo bad!! The layers of trauma doesn’t just go away. I wish I could make them. But more so, I wish more people understood... 😑 THIS THIS THIS‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️ 👉🏼 Many people are actually afraid to heal because their entire identity is centered around the trauma they've experienced. They have no i

Well Mother’s Day came and now it’s coming to an end. Mothers Day to me is everyday I get with my children, I’ve lost a child so I know the crushing pain of living without one and I am so thankful for the 2 I still have to remind me everyday how blessed I am to have them. I could have lived without the cards and gifts just as long as I had their hugs and hear their I love yous. I love them more than the air I breathe! Birthing a child doesn’t make you a mother, a mother is someone that puts the well-being, happiness, wants and needs of their children every single second before their very own. Even having adult children, my children are my everything and they have always, and always will come before me.. they will always feel safe as long as I’m near and I would take a bullet for them in a second! If they tell me they have concerns how they feel is more important than me trying to convince them and telling them their feelings don’t matter. And they will NEVER EVER be made t

WoW. God does not like ugly 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 So he liked the threats?  The bullying? The denial? The lies? The deception? The manipulation? The ohhh I don’t need to go on. He just doesn’t like “other” people’s ulgy..  🙄 y’all this makes me so sad for her. I would absolutely hate to be stuck here. But my dad was too and well I wasn’t ever able to help him I just learned to live away from him... Denial runs deep.... Did you know you can pick and choose what ulgy he likes?? 🤦🏻‍♀️ Anyways, Here goes the “god” spill again. God has to be sick of the throw around of His name. I’m telling you this conversation makes me want to puke🤮 I use to feel anger when she started this and after  therapy, my support groups and knowing more about narcissists I feel sad that it take complete control of you and no matter how much truth is put there, there is no change because it’s a mind thing and the devil takes complete control with  illusions.. it really is sad. Even tho I saw it with dad I n

It’s funny to me how a narcissist hypocrite mind works. You know I’ve only shared bits of pieces for many reasons; 1. Being investigations, and some things are going to end up in court. 2. Being it’s hard to share some things because they are just.. well.. let’s just say when the truth is reviled, the ones she’s convinced I’m the liar will eat them words and I’ll still walk away. 3. My dads death lays right here. You will soon see truth to this. You can only fool so many. But I can tell you this. The Narcissist mind is sick. It’s hypocritical & they are habitual & pathological  liar. For many years I just wanted to protect what I was told I had to.. you know or I was going to Hell.. heck I still am apparently. But, I had to lie about things because of x,y,z.. or it was always my dads fault or it was always my moms fault.. pitted.. I tried speaking up once and was left in the same situation AFTER being in Savannah regional. This is just my guess but knowing what I k

Generational Curse. I rebuke you. I’m so beyond frustrated with the hypocrisy and junk. It’s so funny how one portrays such a “godly” life to certain people, and can never take responsibility for their part in the hurt and pain, it lines up with narcissism. Funny thing is I seen the pattern of things and ignored them, but now I’ve suffered and my children have suffered and with the accident with my sons eyes, funny thing is I’m still to blame, 😑 whatever. I’ve been blamed for so much and I’ll take that my sons accident is my fault just like my dad and child’s death too. BUT one day.... ohhh one day..... all them lies will and so much more will be flashed..... there will not be fooling the one who gave us life. Anyway. Generational curse.. I rebuke it! My grandchildren will NOT suffer like I have or like my children have... It is disgusting to me the more I listen to and the lies I hear yet hear how holy and how godly, yet the fruit is rotten. The lip service is on point.