Amanda’s Story

There isn’t much I HATE. But I can tell you I absolutely hate and dread this week. 😭 my faith has wavered and this is the week that rocks it the most. How has it been 4 years and it still feels like TODAY?!? Ughhh. My heart is DESTROYED. I feel like I am one breath & one heartbeat away from holding my sweet boy again. Don’t even try to comprehend this pain unless you’ve been here. I ache ALL year, but this week is such a huge raw reminder of what should be. It should be Birthday planning, He’s almost 4, Birthday fun, what is new, new words?, would he love the Lion King? Would he eat my spaghetti? What new foods would be his favorite? What favorite blanket would we cuddle up with? yet it was ALL STRIPPED AWAY. He’s NOT BETTER OFF IN HEAVEN. He would have been better off with his FAMILY! God didn’t need him more than WE DID! His family wanted him!! I don’t care that I get to see him again.. I want to see him NOW.. for the last 4 years I wanted to watch him & see him! Yes I

This is how sick it is.. (the voice recordings)  True narcissistic. Funny how I’m the one who needs help for sharing the truth. Gosh Mother. For once take a long hard look in the mirror. My mom says I’m tormenting myself and my household. Then she said she didn’t say I was evil.  (The first video clearly states otherwise) Then she said it’s not her voice and she doesn’t know what I’m talking about. Ohh then she admits she said it. Then it’s my fault. And I deserve it. Oh. And then she loves me.. 😑 Yes I did call her to take care of some business and this is where it went. All my fault. As usual. Because I don’t give in to her! All my life this is the way “god” has been used. Let’s go to the front of the church and be told sorry for the week of events and how loved I am. But. At least she admitted I did not kill my child in this conversation. Do you need me to watch the end of times video where my head will be cut off or I’ll live in hell the rest o