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Showing posts from January, 2020

Will I ever be good enough?

Facebook post: Jan 28, 2020 📖 Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers. The answer is no. I’ll never be good enough for her & I’m not trying to be. I have never been & I won’t be until I’m successfully dead & in “that bodybag” (I have this on audio & it will be released soon!) I was threatened with & then she can get sympathy & attention for my death, then I’ll be good enough, the daughter she loved so much, even as she has my blood on her hands. I don’t understand why God thought I was strong enough for this life. It absolutely makes no sense to me & the more I realize, process, learn, write, read, hear & see, the more I question. I’ve literally puked trying to process it. The infection from her is real & somedays death seems so much easier, I’ve even prayed for it & been suicidal to be free of her manipulation, lies, abuse & the hurt & pain she’s caused & inflicted on my family. But of co


I can not even. Ugh. This is raw. So many of you know some of the relationship between my “egg donor” and I, sadly it’s not the relationship that the world paints of a mother/daughter relationship & if I’m being honest about it, I hid so much in hopes of just being loved by her, but them days are over, the lies are to much.. plus people asking me about stealing her foodstamps, which I have audio recordings I’ll be sharing soon, while my family eats hotdogs, frozen $1.00 pizzas & ramen noodles..& tons of cheap hamburger meat, mind you we are also on the verge of losing our house for back taxes but my own “mother” cries I’ve taken her food stamps, well mommy dearest wait until I show the world everything you’ve taken from me, including my dad and son! It makes me sick to hear the ones talk about her claiming to stay in this “friendship” because her friend drops money in her lap & her friend “has money” & “nice cars”, especially reading the letter above, growing

Facebook post 1-27-2020

At 1:33pm August 6, 2015. SidneyBlake. 💔 Yesterday evening I felt extremely exhausted. My body was fighting against my very tired soul. Then this morning I thought I was having a heart attack & it woke me up. I could literally not even breathe, a deep breath hurt, my body felt weak, my heart felt like it was being squeezed in a vice.. & I could literally not think of anything other than my sweet SidneyBlake.. I didn’t know if I was headed to be with him or what.. Today.. I’m struggling. It’s funny how your body remembers details & no matter how much you try to avoid it, your body stops you & takes your heart through every single crushing one. Moment by moment, month by month, year after year... the waves of grief drown you.. 4 years ago I was starting what would be another hard cycle of fertility treatments wondering if this would be the one or if we would be left with another negative. Another heartbreak. Never in a million years would I have ever thought

FB Post: January 17 2020

Comment: 4 years ago January was one of our most intense treatments to get pregnant with SidneyBlake & next month we conceived him. I struggled the whole pregnancy and I have such a hard time wrapping my head around some evil piece of crap telling me I killed him.. knowing what I put myself through to have him!! I love that baby!!!!! Unlike some “egg donors” who are just that.. I want MY CHILDREN ALL OF THEM! ➿➿➿➿➿➿➿ I’ve struggled a lot in life. There are things no one even knows; but as many of you here know I lost my dad (June 1, 2015) (Overdose) & child (August 6,2015) (pProm) - not even in a 3 month window. I still had not figured out my dads death because I fought like hell to get him help!!! But my mother kept lying to me and had no intentions of helping him..  She gets to carry on with her life as if nothing happened.. It wasn’t her blood. No matter what happened between us; he was still my daddy. Then the stress, of that and the stress my “mother” put on

Mooooving...Trusting Gods Plan.

It’s about time! I could not be happier! I’m actually getting away from here without being put in the body bags my family & I was threatened with!! (& you can hear that soon too!!) My parasite of egg donor has caused so much damage & doesn’t even care, the blood on her hands is thick. She wants my blood on her hands so bad & she does have some of it.. matter of fact more than I’d like to admit, but she won’t hold my destroyed heart as a trophy & get sympathy at my death!  She’s lied on everyone to everyone so much & continues to do so and live in her lies, I can not wait to be done with her completely so she can’t destroy me or my children anymore. She will never do anything she’s promised and I’m tired of the manipulation of it. I can almost post all of the evidence & evil Ive been through, there will be a lot of mouths dropped! But it won’t matter to me I’ve hid the crap with bribes, manipulation & threats long enough. It’s been a battle of the m

FAQ: They know!

FB post: 1-9-2020 Amanda in Color I’ve been kinda quiet & haven’t posted in a while; it’s been a busy few weeks & legal stuff out the wazoooooo! But this will be my FREEDOM year... I hope if you are following me or have found my page and are struggling with your worth from having a narcissistic mother that you remember this; THEY KNOW WHAT THEY ARE DOING! You are NOT sick/crazy like they or their friends tell you, YES, they know they are hurting you, and you are NOT loved by them, YOU deserve so much more than their lies, abuse & manipulation & no matter what; their actions will eventually catch up to them EVEN if you never witness it! (This would be a “friend” of my “egg donor” with her standing right there, while he verbally, emotionally & mentally abused me. He said so much more than this even; but this is in reference to the YOU ARE NOT SICK/CRAZY comment above”. — I’ve been there.) I didn’t believe this for a long time, I mean why woul