Amanda’s Story

5 years ago today; my world was rocked. Today could have been the day “my mother”  decided to help me save my dad. But just like the many days before. she didn’t. She choose this to be his last day alive.... & has since then allowed me to be tormented that I killed him. Today was the last day 5 years ago that my dad stood a fighting chance to survive the drugs.. but instead he lay in a cold ground... DEAD.  — there is more to this and will be added to soon, a new blog post and a book. This just skims it.. because it’s a sick sad reality that my dad and son are both gone and in her ideal world I’d sit down and shut up like she’s begged me to do.. but it’s my blood laying in the dirt not hers! I can’t just move on and find a new daddy or son! For years I had begged to get my dad help for his drug addiction, I can’t even tell you the lengths I went through to try and help him. He was not a good person on drugs & the many times he came knocking on deaths door is

Sitting out on the front porch looking at our fish & turtle pond we are working on in honor of our Sweet SidneyBlake who would have been 5 this year, & enjoying the sounds of the earth, tears flowing freely and in the voice of my counselor I hear her telling me to identify my feelings; it immediately hit me.. May 2015 was one of the last calm months before the storm.. I was bedridden & pregnant with my son, we had just found out that it was a boy & ordered some of our first boy things, then June first came and our whole world was rocked. My dad died of an over dose, before I even got past his death, My water broke and I was laid up in a hospital alone trying my best to save my sweet boy when full on labor came & I ended up losing my son too.. during his death & funeral, I found out who my “mother” really was & essentially lost her too.. but if I could go back to May 2015, my dad would have got the help he needed and been here. I would have stayed in