Amanda’s Story

 My best friend Kelly sent this to me today: it is SPOT ON! Thank you Kelly for this reminder.. I love you! 💕  •For all my sisters out there who hear “but she’s your mother” .. this is for you! YOU ARE BREAKING CURSES! - For the ones who don’t know what walking in the shoes feels like.. or know the trauma a mother is capable of.. read this! We were not out here to be abused by our mothers and accept it! I don’t care if we only get one mother.. she doesn’t have the right to destroy us.. just because she birthed us! PLEASE READ THIS!  ••••••• “But that’s your daughter!” Why are these words never spoken? Why is it that when adult child estrangement happens, in almost any scenario, (and no matter how wrong they are), mothers are comforted with phrases like, “Oh, I’m so sorry. You must be heart broken. I can’t believe she’s treating you this way!” Then, they turn to us when we pour our broken hearts out and murmur things like,  “But she’s your mother” “But you only get one mom.” (Yes [inse

  FB POST: 8/10/2021 I’ve really been struggling with my mental, emotional & physical health. My body aches.. I am in intense therapy to overcome the trauma and abuse. I don’t know where I’m headed right now, but every breath has been hard & hurts. The abuse & trauma at the hands of the woman who birthed me has about buried me alive & it’s exhausting digging myself out. I know now why my dad said the things he did, wrote the letter he did and laid down to die… The PTSD, depression & anxiety of it all has about taken me out..  +I am working hard on getting better for my boys, but, I have also shut so many other people out… because I’m just not capable of being a friend.. I have a hard time accepting any ones love when my mother can tell me she loves me; yet she’s abused me & watched me be abused, the love word takes a whole new meaning..  +I even struggle with being a mom.. I’m broken damaged & wore out.. in all areas of life.. and I’m tired of hiding & f

  Funny how she can tell me not to call her anymore.. & to have a nice life..  Then. BLOCK ME. & now she calls me? This is EMOTIONAL & MENTAL abuse at its finest. I can’t even imagine what my dad went through. Now I know why he called her a f+*¥ing B!&#% & wrote the letter he did before he died. I will be sharing that recording of his very own voice soon. But this is real life for me.I guess I’m at her “disposal” like I’ve always been, I’m suppose to be reachable by her at all times & her have access to me but it’s not the other way around.. that’s why she wasn’t there when my son died nor any of my sickness & surgery but I have been there for all of hers until I really learned who she was..  &&& She wants to say she’s a victim… pshh. She’s a liar. Who really calls someone knowing they have blocked them?  knowing they can’t return a call even if they wanted to?! None other than a mental & emotional narcissist abuser. AKA- the monster who birt

  Fb post: 8/10/2021 ; my story isn’t over yet ; I sure try HARD. & Most days it’s super hard to even breathe. Most don’t realize how hard it is.. for that I’m thankful you don’t feel this deep dark pain… There have been days I just wanted to die to be free of the hurt & suffering.. suicide ideation has been real for me. Yet I keep it silent. +My mother has destroyed me: on top of other difficult life issues I’ve been faced with.. like the loss of my dad & son. It has all been to much. The truths are all revealing themselves yet the child in me hears the threats trying to shut me up and stripping me of my feelings & voice. +All the unresolved issues with my dad before his death & many more demons from my childhood.. & I rely on my therapist, medications, oils, my husband & boys.. & journal.. to get through the days.. & survive the  torture chamber in my mind.. then I feel super guilty that they have to pick up the pieces of a “real life monster” who

Fb post: 8/8/2021 * I’ll be adding more to this post…. * Check back!  (My children are my LIFE. They will NEVER be cut from me. Not be able to reach me or be blocked from calling me.. EVER… I guess my therapist was right; some mothers wasn’t meant to be mothers & mine is definitely one of those!”) I was told she did this so I wasn’t to shocked when it was confirmed and it was confirmed today. I am just more disgusted than anything.. what mother does this? Apparently mine..  — soooooooo……  DO NOT under any circumstances believe the lies out my “monsters” mouth when she cries how much she loves, misses & hasn’t heard from us.. some kids only have nightmares of monsters.. I lived with a real life one.. y’all.. the hell I went through will blow some minds.. I knew when she offered to “let some girls beat me & throw me in a ditch only to act like she didn’t know what had happened” she was sick.. but according to the recording by Artie Jones Jr. I am the sick one. I’m telling you

 Fb posts: (I’ll be adding to this over the next few days)  8.1 💔 I can not breathe. Shattered. Medicated. Sobbing. Racing thoughts. Racing heart. +so many other emotions 💔 As most of you know 6 years ago; I was laying in a hospital bed BEGGING God to let my baby live!! My water had ruptured + I had just buried my dad and pretty much ran myself ragged to take care of a “mother” who doesn’t love or give two craps about me; then or now; & ultimately sending me into labor..  Today: I am beyond broken: I feel absolutely dead inside and want to just give up on this life to go be with Sidney Blake because I know what it’s like living without a mama and he’s way to young to be living without me!  On the other side of hurting to bad to breathe; I gasp for air for my 2 amazing living boys because again I know what it’s like to live without a mama and couldn’t imagine leaving them without me either..  I am beyond broken. Broken doesn’t even touch the feelings I have.. and with all this com

  I can not breathe. Shattered. Medicated. Sobbing. Racing thoughts. Racing heart. +so many other emotions 💔 As most of you know 6 years ago; I was laying in a hospital bed BEGGING God to let my baby live!! My water had ruptured + I had just buried my dad and pretty much ran myself ragged to take care of a “mother” who doesn’t love or give two craps about me; then or now; & ultimately sending me into labor..  Today: I am beyond broken: I feel absolutely dead inside and want to just give up on this life to go be with Sidney Blake because I know what it’s like living without a mama and he’s way to young to be living without me!  On the other side of hurting to bad to breathe; I gasp for air for my 2 amazing living boys because again I know what it’s like to live without a mama and couldn’t imagine leaving them without me either..  I am beyond broken. Broken doesn’t even touch the feelings I have.. and with all this comes tremendous guilt on what I could have done to save my baby.. m